MAYBE A 5-HOUR-ENERGY WOULD HELP
At least Jim Furyk is blunt and you have to love the way he handled the interview with Cameron Morfit at GOLF Magazine. The interview seemed to dwell solely on his failures all year which, granted, are the most significant parts of Furyk's year. Furyk then gave this beauty:
"I'm going to have to stick a knife in my heart at the end of this. This is the most depressing interview I've ever given for this amount of time ... I mean that wholeheartedly. This is the most depressing interview. Here's the thing: I had just played so good the whole week, I felt like I should have won going away, so I was flabbergasted at the end. I really couldn't explain it."
Give credit to Morfit for putting this part of the interview in the piece. Furyk was basically make fun of his line of questions.
What might put Furyk in a better mood from this interview is moving on from 5-Hour Energy onto some of the more powerful mood-altering substances, like those described below.
POT BUNKER - NOT SUCH A HECKUVA JOB BROWNIE
Now matter how grumpy an olds guy is, you probably shouldn't give him pot brownies without telling him. It looks like a cranky old man in NJ is suing a couple fellow club members for allegedly giving him a pot brownie.
Now the drugged fellow has every right to be pissed, but he does sound a little like Judge Smails. With HBO showing Caddyshack every couple of days recently (it is nice to see it without commercials and unedited), one can't help but think of "Carl Spackler Bent", which of course is a cross between Kentucky Bluegrass, Fetherbed Bent and Northern California Sensimilla.
METH LAB AT SAWGRASS - THE ARRESTING OFFICER'S NAME WAS REALLY MULLIGAN
Via Golf.com's Press Tent, police arrested a couple for running a meth-lab out of the Sawgrass Marriott. The most notable part of the story was the arresting officer was named Mulligan. No, this is not a story from The Onion.
Now really, the old man from NJ suing over the pot brownie should feel like he got off easy.
Things are not always breaking bad in Ponte Vedra: they say the meth there is better than most [who could resist].
GIANT OIL COMPANY REWARDED FOR PATIENTLY WAITING FOR ACTOR WHO PLAYED KLINGER TO FINALLY RETURN TO SHOW BUSINESS CAREER
Well, Klinger probably was not on drugs but Jamie Farr has one of the better quotes of the week. Marathon Oil is taking over sponsorship of the LPGA Jamie Farr Toldeo Classic. From an article by USA Today's Steve DiMeglio comes this classic:
"Because of pending show business concerns which may prevent me from hosting the tournament in the future, I have decided to pass the baton to Marathon"
It was very kind of the 70's sitcom supporting actor to pass the baton on to a giant petroleum company. Um, to put this in perspective, Marathon's revenue for its 3 month period last reported to the SEC was over $4.1 Billion. Jamie Farr's appears to have played a dry cleaner in a 1999 episode of Mad About You. Thanks for making room Jamie.
Okay, we feel a bit guilty making fun of Farr who did do a great job with the LPGA event. I loved M*A*S*H, Klinger was a great character and indeed Farr is also one of the only reasons the Toledo Mudhens are amongst the more well known minor league baseball teams. But in this case, a simple thanks-for-the-support note would have been sufficient.